Their website tells me Fresh Brothers opened in Southern California in 2008 and now boasts 19 locations scattered throughout Los Angeles, The Valley, Orange County, and San Diego. I will tell you their pizza is excellent, and BurbankMom tells us the staff is, “attentive and enthusiastic.” At the Burbank location, at least. In 2017.
But what is this? I got it in an email. This is not a pizza coupon. A pizza coupon sounds something like, “Free medium, 2-topping pizza and a 2-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper with purchase of a large one-topping pizza.” See all that? That has a free bacon topping contained within it. It has a free pepperoni topping, too. Free cheese, free sauce, free Dr. Pepper, free crust, free a whole fucking pizza!
You’re lucky, Fresh Brothers, that your pizza is damn good. Otherwise it would be hard to put up with the bullshit. This is the same place that only recently extended their hours to 11pm on the weekend. They used to close at 9! Everyday. You couldn’t even do a late dinner with these people. 9pm? It’s pizza, you can put all the pictures of smiling families outside of your restaurant during the day you want, we all know who makes up your customer base.
They don’t make it easy to get, either. If you go on Postmates, all you can order are their signature pizzas. If you wanted to use your free bacon topping coupon, you’d have to download their app and order a custom pizza that way. I suppose you could call them on the phone but my god, man how much do I have to give? So I did it, I used the app, NOT to order a bacon pizza, but a large sausage and giardiniera with an order of meatball sliders. I get through the whole process of registering and ordering and then at the end, even though I’ve already explained to the app that I would like the pizza delivered, it tells me that I could save 15 dollars by picking it up. Look, I already know how much it costs to have food delivered, that if I could manage to put on clothes and leave the house, I’d save myself a small fortune annually, that I’m paying top dollar to have someone else drive food oftentimes an embarrassingly short distance from the restaurant to my home, and that if I could take care of myself at all, I’d walk to the grocery store, buy ingredients, and cook dinner like an adult. I know all this. And then to have this pissant app wave it in my face like that? To shame me on my own couch? Unbelievable. I went and picked it up.
I’m willing to put up with all of this because of how good the food is. It is good. They also have a fully vegan pizza and a gluten free crust and a vegan ranch dressing that’s pretty solid if you’re into that kind of thing. If you find yourself in Southern California, give it a shot. Don’t forget the meatball sliders.
criticalmush.com 