I got bored in the morning. Bored. I read my articles and then stared at the blank screen of the TV, trying to get up the will to turn it on but I couldn’t. There’s nothing there. All my games are dull, I’ve got no broadcast TV, no news. Nothing. Just an empty, quiet apartment. I hike now so I put on my boots, grabbed two masks and headed out the door. Let’s see what’s going on out here in the new covid hotspot. Are people still in Runyon on Thursday afternoon? Yes they are.
I wanted to go mask-less on the way up, since I’d already be sucking wind, then put the masks on for the much easier stroll down. That went out the window. I ran into people right away and we did the last-minute, scramble to put the mask on move. I hate the last minute mask move so I just kept it on and stopped a lot to catch my breath. It was a nice excuse. Oh I’d totally be sprinting up this mountain if it weren’t for these masks. Yeah it’s the mask’s fault. Passed a few dogs on the way. All good boys and girls.
It was a hazy day in Los Angeles, downtown a mirage to the southeast. I studied it for a long time as I waited for a couple to pass on their way down. The man was encouraging but thought she was wearing the wrong shoes. They looked like running shoes. You’re fine, everyone slides on the gravel.
When I finally reached the top a man with two young sons asked me what was down the way I came.
“Curson,” I wheezed. “Wattles.”
“Can you get out?” He wanted to know.
I composed myself. “Yeah it lets out into a dog park. Take the driveway to Curson. No problem.” This piqued the interest of his youngest.
“I want to go to the dog parrrrrk,” he pleaded as he sat on the ground and traced his finger through the dust.
“To be clear,” I told him. “There were no dogs in the dog park when I came through. You’ll probably see a lot more going that way.” I tilted my head towards the long, gentle path down. The way I normally take. The way I would skip today. “And it’s easier.”
The boy seemed to understand and the three of them came to a consensus; they would take the long path. I bid them good day, congratulating myself for not stumbling over the goodbye or saying something weird like “Thank You!”
I took the middle path down, one I had always wondered about. Why not today. Also I’d neglected to bring water and it felt shorter. It was chill. Everyone I passed was chill. Some people said hello, some didn’t. I passed a couple of middle aged white dudes discussing DJ documentaries.
“I saw MF Doom in Minneapolis in 1986.”
It wasn’t this exactly but it was close. I know MF Doom was in there somewhere but if that person? group? didn’t exist in ‘86, it’s my error, not his.
“You want to talk about a documentary? You should see…”
I lost them, or forgot, I’m sorry.
A woman let me pass so she could rest, hands on knees, out of breath. A teenage couple stopped nearby and the girl pointed to the woman. “That’s me inside,” she told her boyfriend.
I kept on down. Not a bad trail, less steep than the one I came up, steeper than the road. When I got to the bottom I saw a sign that said “One Way” pointing up. HA! I thought it was a prank. There were two more. Oh, I thought. I went the wrong way. What a terrible place to put a one way sign. Useless, in fact. The place for a one way sign is at the BEGINNING of the wrong way, not the end. If you put it at the end you might as well include the words, “For Next Time.” I started to wonder if the people who didn’t say hello to me were angry that I was disobeying the rules of the road and not just exhibiting standard big city frostiness. Tough shit, y’all. Move the signs.
I got dumped out onto the road almost at street level. I took the right turn out past a woman in a uniform under one of those portable square tents that read LA City Department of Recreation and Parks. Mask enforcement for sure. If she only knew what was going on out there. She probably did. The exit put me onto my cross street. How did I not realize this was here? It’s so close. I walked back to Gardner to cross Hollywood. Need those extra steps anyway. Do I go again today? Is that excessive? I don’t like climbing with a mask on so would I take the easy way up and the hard way down? Is that the move? There’s nothing going on in here, that’s for sure. My TV is glaring at me again, but until it has something new to offer it can go fuck itself. At least outside has dogs.
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