Critical Mush

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Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome Review

This is the first Mad Max movie that feels like a movie. The first two feel like, I don’t know, gritty portraits of a world gone sideways. This one feels like a production, like Hollywood got its clammy hands on it.

The Road Warrior Review

The Road Warrior delivers in every scene and is destined to become required educational viewing as we continue to tempt the apocalypse with our every waking action.

The Fall Guy Review

In a couple of rare moments, The Fall Guy succeeds in achieving the Point Break Effect where you’re laughing with it, and at it at the same time. Where it works as both the thing, and the parody of the thing, in the same moment.

Mad Max Review

Mad Max is a blast from the first frame. It opens on a guy watching a couple having sex through a rifle scope and moves straight into a car chase replete with the impressive stunts and screaming, speed obsessed lunatics us modern Max fans have come to know and love.

Civil War Review

Yes, the main characters take a lot of beautiful and important pictures, but at the end of the day it’s the people holding the guns who make the calls. Maybe that’s what it’s about?

I Don’t Buy It, David Sedaris

We’d all like to be able to look our maker square in the face and swear we only spent the whole day smoking weed and watching The Simpsons one time. A couple of times.

Wrong Way on Runyon

What a terrible place to put a one way sign. Useless, in fact. The place for a one way sign is at the BEGINNING of the wrong way, not the end.

Sweet Home Review | A Monster of a Good Time

It you’re already a fan of Korean horror classics like The Host and Train to Busan, you will love this. If you are new to Korean horror, this is a great place to start. It’s a graveyard smash.

Bro! This Beowulf Translation is a Good Translation

The history of the Old English epic poem known as Beowulf – the manuscript is untitled – is mysterious and complicated. It’s around a thousand years old, no one knows who wrote it, and there’s an outside chance it’s actually about a talking bear.

The Midnight Sky Review | Need Planet, Will Travel

The Midnight Sky opens on a familiar scene here in America, an old man shuffling around in his slippers, playing chess with himself, eating porridge, and drinking whiskey. Augustine Lofthouse is on lockdown.

Wingspan: It’s Not as Bad as It Looks

I thought I could sherpa the inebriated safely through their first game even as one of them tried to maneuver a French bulldog onto her lap while holding a glass of wine.

Are We Dead Yet? Overland’s Dangerous Drive

Cat got out of the van, grim determination painted her polygon face. She’d been with us for over 500 miles – by now she knew “go take a look,” meant, “go hit that thing with a pipe.”

My Octopus Teacher Review | My Octopus Teacher is Gripping

My Octopus Teacher is zoomed all the way in. It’s the study of one tiny patch of kelp forest. It’s like an interview with one of the Blue Planet camera people. What was it like spending all that time with these animals? What did it feel like the first time a dolphin swam up and…

For Laker Fans, This Championship is Totally, Probably Legit

Now you’re in a LeBron vs Kobe debate and you hear yourself saying that Kobe is obviously better than LeBron because Kobe has 5 REAL championships, and then your buddy from Dorchester, who you didn’t realize was standing behind you, leans in and goes “AH HAAAAAAAAH!”

Who Do You Think You Are, Call of Duty?

I finally downloaded it a few weeks ago as a way to keep in touch with some distant friends, and was alarmed to learn that it weighs in at a positively insulting 144.2 GB. That’s just the multiplayer. It doesn’t include the the single player campaign, or the Special Ops pack, whatever that is.

I Want to See a Nikola Jokić/Mason Plumlee Lineup

Last night the Denver Nuggets blew their chance to become the first team in NBA history to win a playoff series after being down 0-3 by beating the Los Angeles Lakers in game three of the western conference finals.

Admit It, Tennis is the Best

After a brief, one-sided debate with the umpire, Djokovic was disqualified from the tournament because THOSE ARE THE RULES.

Recently Deleted

As the owner of a grievously inadequate 861GB Playstation 4, I’m regularly forced to delete old games to make room for new ones. These are their stories. Someday I may go back to them, but, probably not.

The Last of Us 2: A Great Game About Terrible People

The end of the world isn’t going to improve anyone’s personality, but what are you going to do? Leave? Risk the wastes, hordes of zombies, and almost certain death on the off chance you run into someone who makes you laugh? Face it, for better or worse, you’re stuck with these d-bags.

Doom: Eternal Part II – The Game Itself

Every time the marauder appears he ruins the perfect demonic ballet that is modern Doom combat. Oh and he has a dog made out of fire. The dog is also an asshole.

Doom: Eternal Part I – The Bonkers Lore of Doom: Eternal

Almost all of them are killed, but not the Doom Guy. You kind of lose him at this point. My guess is he got fed up with the Argent D’Nur, grabbed one of their mobile fortresses and hightailed it back to Earth. How he got out of hell is anyone’s guess, but he’s been there…

Is “The Darkness” the Worst Kevin Bacon Movie?

These ghosts – and writers – try a bit of everything: turning on faucets, inducing children to burn things, irritating neighborhood pets, cave painting the bathroom – which given certain circumstances and design schemes could actually be helpful – appearing as animals, appearing as shadowy humanoids, but what they excel at is leaving sooty handprints…

Tom Selleck Knows What’s What

The most common type of reverse mortgage is a Home Equity Conversion Mortgage. Just call it that! That’s the kind of impenetrable jargon we’ve come to expect from the industry with whom we entrust all of our worldly assets.

Betaal

They clear the villagers, open the tunnel, and unleash 90 minutes of generic zombie show upon the world.

Bomber Crew

Bit repetitive, but excellent stressful fun for a low price!

Our House

It’s like being told you’re going to Disneyland and winding up at Chuck E. Cheese.

Subnautica

The most frightening thing lurking beneath the waves may be the lack of an auto-save.

The Wrong Missy

This movie is average, yes, but it also made me reexamine my entire life.

Sour Candy | BLACKPINK and Lady Gaga

This should be an easy home run, but it isn’t. It feels thrown together and spends its entire 2:37 in search of a hook

The Lovebirds Review

They steadfastly refuse to explain themselves in a concise and honest way and let me tell you, it leads to problems.

Archive

  • Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome Review
    This is the first Mad Max movie that feels like a movie. The first two feel like, I don’t know, gritty portraits of a world gone sideways. This one feels like a production, like Hollywood got its clammy hands on it.
  • The Road Warrior Review
    The Road Warrior delivers in every scene and is destined to become required educational viewing as we continue to tempt the apocalypse with our every waking action.
  • The Fall Guy Review
    In a couple of rare moments, The Fall Guy succeeds in achieving the Point Break Effect where you’re laughing with it, and at it at the same time. Where it works as both the thing, and the parody of the thing, in the same moment.
  • Mad Max Review
    Mad Max is a blast from the first frame. It opens on a guy watching a couple having sex through a rifle scope and moves straight into a car chase replete with the impressive stunts and screaming, speed obsessed lunatics us modern Max fans have come to know and love.
  • Civil War Review
    Yes, the main characters take a lot of beautiful and important pictures, but at the end of the day it’s the people holding the guns who make the calls. Maybe that’s what it’s about?
  • The Sinner Review | The Sinner is the Bill Pullman We Need Right Now
    I’m a Pullman fan myself, but I’ve ever stood around at a party quoting lines and debating his best work. Bill Paxton, yes, many times, god rest him, but not Pullman. Why is that?
  • Alice in Borderland Review | Escape Room Meets Lord of the Flies
    Alice in Borderland doesn’t like to explain itself, but it’s only the first season. Lost ran for 6 seasons and not one time did it ever think to tell its viewers what was going on.
  • I Don’t Buy It, David Sedaris
    We’d all like to be able to look our maker square in the face and swear we only spent the whole day smoking weed and watching The Simpsons one time. A couple of times.
  • Wrong Way on Runyon
    What a terrible place to put a one way sign. Useless, in fact. The place for a one way sign is at the BEGINNING of the wrong way, not the end.
  • Sweet Home Review | A Monster of a Good Time
    It you’re already a fan of Korean horror classics like The Host and Train to Busan, you will love this. If you are new to Korean horror, this is a great place to start. It’s a graveyard smash.
  • Outside the Wire Review | Outside the Wire Doesn’t Hold Together
    Maybe it’s strange robot behavior. Like the scene where Mackie walks 20 feet with his arms crossed. That’s weird, right? Do people walk with their arms crossed? Do robots?
  • Bro! This Beowulf Translation is a Good Translation
    The history of the Old English epic poem known as Beowulf – the manuscript is untitled – is mysterious and complicated. It’s around a thousand years old, no one knows who wrote it, and there’s an outside chance it’s actually about a talking bear.
  • The Midnight Sky Review | Need Planet, Will Travel
    The Midnight Sky opens on a familiar scene here in America, an old man shuffling around in his slippers, playing chess with himself, eating porridge, and drinking whiskey. Augustine Lofthouse is on lockdown.
  • Wingspan: It’s Not as Bad as It Looks
    I thought I could sherpa the inebriated safely through their first game even as one of them tried to maneuver a French bulldog onto her lap while holding a glass of wine.
  • Are We Dead Yet? Overland’s Dangerous Drive
    Cat got out of the van, grim determination painted her polygon face. She’d been with us for over 500 miles – by now she knew “go take a look,” meant, “go hit that thing with a pipe.”
  • Prospect Review | Prospect is the Best Episode of The Mandalorian
    Every second Pedro Pascal is on screen in Prospect, The Mandalorian gets worse. He is magnetic. Humble. Wily. To short his electricity behind an expressionless metal mask is an affront.
  • My Octopus Teacher Review | My Octopus Teacher is Gripping
    My Octopus Teacher is zoomed all the way in. It’s the study of one tiny patch of kelp forest. It’s like an interview with one of the Blue Planet camera people. What was it like spending all that time with these animals? What did it feel like the first time a dolphin swam up and booped your nose? Mind-blowing? I bet.
  • For Laker Fans, This Championship is Totally, Probably Legit
    Now you’re in a LeBron vs Kobe debate and you hear yourself saying that Kobe is obviously better than LeBron because Kobe has 5 REAL championships, and then your buddy from Dorchester, who you didn’t realize was standing behind you, leans in and goes “AH HAAAAAAAAH!”
  • Who Do You Think You Are, Call of Duty?
    I finally downloaded it a few weeks ago as a way to keep in touch with some distant friends, and was alarmed to learn that it weighs in at a positively insulting 144.2 GB. That’s just the multiplayer. It doesn’t include the the single player campaign, or the Special Ops pack, whatever that is.
  • I Want to See a Nikola Jokić/Mason Plumlee Lineup
    Last night the Denver Nuggets blew their chance to become the first team in NBA history to win a playoff series after being down 0-3 by beating the Los Angeles Lakers in game three of the western conference finals.
  • Dominic Thiem “Wins” U.S. Open
    I think I speak for all of us, players included, when I say thank god it’s over.
  • Admit It, Tennis is the Best
    After a brief, one-sided debate with the umpire, Djokovic was disqualified from the tournament because THOSE ARE THE RULES.
  • I Love This Funny Allstate Commercial About Other, Less Funny Allstate Commercials
    This is where we are now, insurance companies writing fan-fiction about their own advertising and passing it off as more advertising.
  • Netflix’s Project Power is Not About a Scam Charity
    It’s about a pill that grants the swallower five minutes of super powers, only no one knows what power they’re going to get until they try it. It’s like Airheads White Mystery.
  • The Parks Board Game Helps Remind Us Not to Take the Outdoors for Granted if We’re Ever Allowed to See it Again
    It’s beautiful and inspiring and there’s not a ton going on. Just how a walk in the park should be.
  • Palm Springs: What the Groundhog Day Format Teaches Us About Ourselves
    They get to know things about the process of dying that none of the rest of us will ever know. Maybe not what happens after, but everything about the moments leading up to it and those are true mysteries of the universe.
  • Does Everyone Else Hear the Name Devin When They Watch This Geico Commercial?
    I’ve been trapped inside for too long to be able to confidently dismiss DJ Khaled speaking to me from my television.
  • Ad Astra: A Movie About Confronting Your Absentee Father… on Neptune.
    It’s a story as old as fatherhood itself. One day your dad puts on his coat, says he’s going out to discover extraterrestrial life and never comes back.
  • Recently Deleted
    As the owner of a grievously inadequate 861GB Playstation 4, I’m regularly forced to delete old games to make room for new ones. These are their stories. Someday I may go back to them, but, probably not.
  • The Last of Us 2: A Great Game About Terrible People
    The end of the world isn’t going to improve anyone’s personality, but what are you going to do? Leave? Risk the wastes, hordes of zombies, and almost certain death on the off chance you run into someone who makes you laugh? Face it, for better or worse, you’re stuck with these d-bags.
  • Doom: Eternal Part II – The Game Itself
    Every time the marauder appears he ruins the perfect demonic ballet that is modern Doom combat. Oh and he has a dog made out of fire. The dog is also an asshole.
  • Doom: Eternal Part I – The Bonkers Lore of Doom: Eternal
    Almost all of them are killed, but not the Doom Guy. You kind of lose him at this point. My guess is he got fed up with the Argent D’Nur, grabbed one of their mobile fortresses and hightailed it back to Earth. How he got out of hell is anyone’s guess, but he’s been there a few times, he probably knows his way around. The Argent D’Nur, now without the Night Sentinels to defend them, are quickly overrun by the forces of hell. The Maykrs are fine with it, more grapes for their immortality wine.
  • Is “The Darkness” the Worst Kevin Bacon Movie?
    These ghosts – and writers – try a bit of everything: turning on faucets, inducing children to burn things, irritating neighborhood pets, cave painting the bathroom – which given certain circumstances and design schemes could actually be helpful – appearing as animals, appearing as shadowy humanoids, but what they excel at is leaving sooty handprints all over the place. They love doing this, and hey, I’m sure it’s fun, but it’s not at all scary.
  • Tom Selleck Knows What’s What
    The most common type of reverse mortgage is a Home Equity Conversion Mortgage. Just call it that! That’s the kind of impenetrable jargon we’ve come to expect from the industry with whom we entrust all of our worldly assets.
  • Betaal
    They clear the villagers, open the tunnel, and unleash 90 minutes of generic zombie show upon the world.
  • Bomber Crew
    Bit repetitive, but excellent stressful fun for a low price!
  • Our House
    It’s like being told you’re going to Disneyland and winding up at Chuck E. Cheese.
  • Subnautica
    The most frightening thing lurking beneath the waves may be the lack of an auto-save.
  • The Wrong Missy
    This movie is average, yes, but it also made me reexamine my entire life.
  • Sour Candy | BLACKPINK and Lady Gaga
    This should be an easy home run, but it isn’t. It feels thrown together and spends its entire 2:37 in search of a hook