The Lovebirds Review

The Lovebirds, starring Kumail Nanjiani and Issa Rae and directed by Michael Showalter, who also directed Kumail in 2017’s The Big Sick, is funny and only occasionally frustrating. It’s about a couple who, four years into their relationship, break up and are then immediately thrown into an adventure that brings them back together. You’ve seen this movie before, just not with these people, and these people are funny when they’re not actively driving you crazy. I have to assume there was a lot of improvisation on set – several scenes involve multiple quick cuts to single shots of Kumail and Issa delivering one liners – and it leads to a lot of gold. But there are conversations that go on for way too long. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if it’s funny. Sometimes you just need to stop talking.

There are laughs in here, but there are an equal number of moments where the story hinges on otherwise intelligent people behaving so stupidly it defies comprehension. They steadfastly refuse to explain themselves in a concise and honest way and let me tell you, it leads to problems. This film also features a Katy Perry singalong that made me so uncomfortable I had to avert my eyes. A movie has to have a certain tone to get away with singing. I had the same reaction watching the preview for The King of Staten Island when, in the middle of what appears to be a semi-serious, grounded film about loss and solitude, a large group of people starts belting out The Wallflowers’s One Headlight. Really? Did you spend a potion of your limited screen time setting up these characters and their love of One Headlight? The Wallflowers in general? The joke is they only know the words to the chorus, but they could have picked a better song as Jakob Dylan ranks among music’s more intelligible vocalists. My point is by the time I got to the singing in The Lovebirds, I was convinced I was watching a movie with no singing. And then I got singing. I wasn’t ready.

Paul Sparks, who’s great in season 2 of Castle Rock, is underused as the bad guy, and the funny Kyle Bornheimer has almost nothing to do. Anna Camp wins the award for best peripheral character, but the High Efficiency Certificate goes to Moses Storm for generating the most laughs in the shortest amount of time.

This movie is decent, lighthearted, and worth a watch. When my girlfriend and I were looking for something to put on, we boiled it down to a choice between The Lovebirds and the The Wrong Missy. In The Lovebirds, Kumail’s character is asked to choose between having boiling hot bacon grease poured on his face, or being kicked by a horse. He elects to be kicked by a horse and afterwards recommends Issa’s character “take the grease.” It’s a funny line, but it’s clearly insane. You take the horse. You take the horse every time.

Security | State Farm Commercial Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpRqHQxJlKM

I, like many of you, was extremely dismayed when the original Jake From State Farm, played by Jake Stone, had been swapped out for this new guy, Kevin Mimms. What happened to my Jake From State Farm, I screamed at the heavens. My first guess was that contract negotiations had broken down. Original Jake must have, rightly, demanded 5 million dollars to continue on in his role as a cultural icon, State Farm balked, came back with 3.5, Jake held his ground, State Farm came up to 4, not good enough, said Jake through his agent, and they all walked away disappointed but happy they’d done their best. Evidently this is not how it went.

In this article in MediaPost, State Farm’s assistant vice president of marketing and brand Patty Morris tells us that Original Jake is an actual State Farm employee, and since the role of Jake was being expanded and was now “demanding,” he had to be replaced by a “professional actor.” This is obviously wrong-headed. The ENTIRE reason the character of Jake From State Farm is one you’d even consider expanding is because that kid slayed that performance. No one thinks “the character” Jake From State Farm is funny. We think the actor is funny. If you want to expand the role, give him more deadpan shit to say. He’s good at it. In this new campaign, you could have named Kevin Mimms’s character Kevin From State Farm and it wouldn’t have made a lick of difference since it has zero connection to the wit and tone of the original. I find it especially galling that the concept of the campaign featuring New Jake is about how State Farm can’t be replaced. Sure sure, State Farm can’t be replaced, Chris Paul can’t be replaced, but you know who can? The office serf we exploited for financial gain. And listen, Kevin Mimms is fine. He’s good. He is a professional actor. He hits his mark, remembers his lines, he’s likable. He’s just not Jake.

The commercial above is ok. I like Alfonso Ribeiro – especially the “Woooo” and “This is my ID!” – but both his car and bag bear the acronym TNCP. I can only assume it stands for The New Chris Paul which kind of destroys the reality of the scene. If he’s aware that there’s an OLD Chris Paul, then he must know that he’s not the REAL Chris Paul. Move on, State Farm. Jake From State Farm will always be Jake Stone. Let Kevin be Kevin.

By the way, the security guard is played by the excellent Maile Flanagan who gives us one of the all time great commercial takes in this Geico spot from 2014.

“What?”

LOL

This Fresh Brothers Coupon Review

Their website tells me Fresh Brothers opened in Southern California in 2008 and now boasts 19 locations scattered throughout Los Angeles, The Valley, Orange County, and San Diego. I will tell you their pizza is excellent, and BurbankMom tells us the staff is, “attentive and enthusiastic.” At the Burbank location, at least. In 2017.

But what is this? I got it in an email. This is not a pizza coupon. A pizza coupon sounds something like, “Free medium, 2-topping pizza and a 2-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper with purchase of a large one-topping pizza.” See all that? That has a free bacon topping contained within it. It has a free pepperoni topping, too. Free cheese, free sauce, free Dr. Pepper, free crust, free a whole fucking pizza!

You’re lucky, Fresh Brothers, that your pizza is damn good. Otherwise it would be hard to put up with the bullshit. This is the same place that only recently extended their hours to 11pm on the weekend. They used to close at 9! Everyday. You couldn’t even do a late dinner with these people. 9pm? It’s pizza, you can put all the pictures of smiling families outside of your restaurant during the day you want, we all know who makes up your customer base.

They don’t make it easy to get, either. If you go on Postmates, all you can order are their signature pizzas. If you wanted to use your free bacon topping coupon, you’d have to download their app and order a custom pizza that way. I suppose you could call them on the phone but my god, man how much do I have to give? So I did it, I used the app, NOT to order a bacon pizza, but a large sausage and giardiniera with an order of meatball sliders. I get through the whole process of registering and ordering and then at the end, even though I’ve already explained to the app that I would like the pizza delivered, it tells me that I could save 15 dollars by picking it up. Look, I already know how much it costs to have food delivered, that if I could manage to put on clothes and leave the house, I’d save myself a small fortune annually, that I’m paying top dollar to have someone else drive food oftentimes an embarrassingly short distance from the restaurant to my home, and that if I could take care of myself at all, I’d walk to the grocery store, buy ingredients, and cook dinner like an adult. I know all this. And then to have this pissant app wave it in my face like that? To shame me on my own couch? Unbelievable. I went and picked it up.

I’m willing to put up with all of this because of how good the food is. It is good. They also have a fully vegan pizza and a gluten free crust and a vegan ranch dressing that’s pretty solid if you’re into that kind of thing. If you find yourself in Southern California, give it a shot. Don’t forget the meatball sliders.

The Expanse Review

This show is bananas. It’s a sci-fi action/drama that straps you into the seat of a small Martian gunboat and doesn’t let up on the throttle. Season 1 starts off slow, but by season 3 you’re tearing your hair out at the end of every episode, and mashing the next episode button. The Expanse is based on a Hugo nominated series consisting of 8 books, 5 novellas, and three short stories written by a fake person named James S.A. Corey. Corey is actually two people named Daniel Abraham and Ty Franck. Franck worked as a personal assistant to George R.R. Martin which explains a lot including the two middle initials.

This show starts with two protagonists, detective Joe Miller, played by professional weirdo Thomas Jane, and reluctant captain/revolutionary James Holden, portrayed by Steven Strait. There are tons of excellent side stories and characters including TV’s best voice, Shohreh Aghdashloo. The main cast, pictured above, meet as co-workers on a cargo ship and then stick together through some incredibly dangerous shit for reasons that aren’t always entirely clear. Steven Strait is… odd. He’s sincere and deliberate. I didn’t like him at first – he’s too good looking and good natured and not overly complicated – but he anchors the show and by the end of season 1, I was in love with him. I love all of them. Cas Anvar plays ship’s pilot Alex Kamal, a kind-hearted Martian with a southern drawl who’s always trying to push his reconstituted space food on everyone. Wes Chatham is Amos Burton, an unblinking block of limestone who’s only emotional when you fuck with his friends. Dominique Tripper plays Naomi Nagata the mechanic, a genius searching for her place among the planets. Season 2 sees the introduction of Roberta “Bobbie” Draper, played by Frankie Adams, a Martian Marine badass caught between the love of her homeland and doing the right thing.

Look, this show isn’t perfect. There are times when it makes absolutely no sense. Decisions are made that no rational human being would make, but hey, everyone goes a little nutty in the void, ok?! The thing about The Expanse is the nonsense doesn’t last long. They get the plot on track and you’re back to being floored by the action. Seasons 2 and 3 are absolute dynamite. Non-stop for 26 episodes. Season 4 is a bit of a deceleration, but I didn’t mind it after the 6G burn of the previous two, and you can’t save the universe all the time. I get the comparisons to GOT but one thing I’ve never seen The Expanse do is waste an entire hour of television on whispers in the hallway and furtive glances.

Binge this show, but not too fast. There isn’t a lot of it and I haven’t found a release date for Season 5 beyond maybe the end of this year or beginning of next. What we know for sure is that The Expanse stretches on. I’m thrilled.

His Name is Dave

This is a great show. You should watch this show. It’s about a Jewish dude (Lil Dicky/Dave) who’s convinced he’s one of the top 5, maybe 10, rappers of all time and who’s trying to break into the game, but really it’s about friendship, risk, love, bravery, and being there for each other. It’s on FX and Hulu and if you don’t have Hulu you should subscribe to it as soon as you cancel cable. There’s no reason to have cable any more. There was already a paucity of reasons to have cable and one of the major ones was sports and now, there’s no sports. Sooooo get rid of it. And get Hulu. Honestly right now it’s winning.

Dave season 1 is 10 episodes long but the first five comprise, what I think of as, a mini season within a season. That package of episodes is fantastic. It’s perfect. I want to pinch it’s little episode cheeks. That’s not to say it’s cute, it’s not, and that you won’t be challenged emotionally, you will be. You will be wrecked by the end of the fifth episode. And that’s not to say the show isn’t hilarious. It is. It is all these things.

Episodes 6, 7 and 8 are the weakest of the series but the ending of episode 6 is actually the spiritual ending to episode 5 so it’s worth it, and episode 7, while slow, has one running joke that got me every time. Episode 8 you meet Bennie Blanco who I thought I would hate, but he’s actually cool. He’s like, a good person. Episodes 9 and 10 are back to back walk off home runs, but let’s talk about this man Gata. That’s his character name and his real name. He plays Dave’s friend and eventual hype man, but who is he? Where did he come from? Did he study at Juilliard? He has no photo on IMDb. Oh now I’m being told by the LA Times that his real name is Davionte Ganter, he’s Lil Dicky’s hype man in real life, and that he’s never acted before. Cool cool cool cool.

There’s a scene in episode 5 where he’s lying in a hospital bed and he breaks down crying and all of this pain and betrayal and confusion and anger just comes pouring out of him and you’re like OH MY GOD WHO IS THIS GENIUS?? It’s one of the most raw, unfiltered performances I’ve ever seen on television, and that’s not even mentioning the end of the episode which is when I broke down.

The rest of the cast is also excellent. Dave Burd is helplessly likable. Taylor Misiak, who plays Dave’s girlfriend Ally, is funny and the show’s other beating heart. Episode 9 is her episode, but she has excellent scenes throughout. Dave’s producer Elz, played by Travis Bennett, is low-key and honest. Andrew Santino as Mike, Dave’s room mate, is probably the coldest of the group, but by the end you, like Dave, will realize that you couldn’t do it without him. Gina Hecht and David Paymer play Dave’s parents and contrast the improvisational feel of the rest of the show with a more traditional acting style and both work well.

I was afraid and excited at the prospect that there would be a lot of rapping in this show, but there isn’t. They use it sparingly and it’s great when they do. It’s a show not a musical. So yeah, go watch this show. Aren’t you excited? You have a great new show to watch. And cancel cable. I’ll do it if you do it.

Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden Review

How it Plays

Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden is like XCOM. It’s a lot like XCOM. And if you’re like me, that’s reason enough to play it. Developed by The Bearded Ladies and published by Funcom in 2018, Mutant Year Zero is loosely based on the 1984 role playing game Mutant by Äventyrsspel. If the idea of playing a turn-based strategy game with a crew of mutant animals battling a psychotic cult and police robots still trying to dispense jaywalking tickets 100 years after the bombs fell doesn’t sell it for you, then I guess I’ll go on. I mean, I don’t really understand you, but I’ll try. There are fun hats? And not just cosmetic hats like in Steam World Heist. These fun hats give you immunity from mind control.

It’s probably more useful if I talk about the ways this game isn’t like XCOM rather than the ways that it is. When not in combat, you’re free to wander around in real time searching for scrap (money), artifacts (artifacts), and gun parts (gun money). The world is cool and detailed – the colors, rich, the buildings, crumbly – and the mutants are lovable goons. The story is interesting and offers a satisfying ending. Everything looks the way it should, your standard overgrown, post-apocalyptic neighborhood except all the street signs are in Swedish. I think. The real-time mechanic plays an important part in combat. You can get relatively close to the enemy without engaging which allows you to scout the map and pick your attack position. You can use the “silent” weapons to pick off enemies on the fringes. This turns out to be vital as you get further into the game.

There’s no base building. The Ark, your home base, is just a still screen with a couple of shop menus. I like the base building in XCOM but this was something of a relief. Nothing to do except upgrade my guns, load up on med kits and grenades, and get back to the shooting. There are no unit types. All units can use all the weapons so you can make any unit your sniper, just give them the rifle and the top hat and you’re good to go.

This game is lots of fun. If I had to complain I would complain about the camera angle. At times my mutants would start talking about something they could see but I couldn’t. They’d be like, “Whoaa! Look at that!” and I’d be sitting there like, “What? What is it? I don’t see anything!” Then two minutes later I’d find it. Never bothered me in combat though. I would also complain that it’s not long enough, but I look forward to trying to beat it in Iron Mutant mode. Should be challenging, you only get five units total! No recruiting rookies in this one.

Advice to the Player

Work the edges. You’re never going to kill all those dudes at once.

Don’t neglect your silent guns. And for pete’s sake don’t deconstruct them.

Smoke grenades will put you out if you’re on fire. The game will tell you this eventually as a hint on a loading screen, but I want you to know going in as it is extremely useful information.

Obduction Review

How it Plays

My buddy Josh has beef with certain escape rooms. His thing is that if the puzzles in the escape room just lead to a series of keys and padlocks, the escape room isn’t very well designed. It hasn’t done its job in the creativity department. I couldn’t help think about that as I worked my way through the beginning of Obduction, a puzzle/adventure game released in 2016 by Cyan, makers of Myst and Riven. The first few puzzles are all about finding numerical codes to unlock doors, and Obduction is certainly an escape room. You’re brought to an alien dome against your will and the object, loosely, is to get out. Practically, the object is to do what this guy, C.W., tells you to do and the goal of getting home is quickly buried beneath a vague plot involving an “attack” and a “plan.” There’s a lot of content in this game that serves only to deepen the story and game world and occasionally to throw you off track, but I still do not have a firm grasp on what exactly is going on. There are aliens? And you’re helping some of them? Some of them are helping you, but also maybe trying to kill you? I just kept my head down and solved those puzzles. Eventually I was skimming the flavor text and plunging headlong down corridors towards the next padlock.

I liked this game. I feel like I should say that before I do any more complaining. It was pretty and satisfying and not too frustrating. We only had to ask the internet for help once. I played this with my girlfriend and she really got into it. She liked it more than Outer Wilds because her enjoyment didn’t hinge on her being able to skillfully pilot a jetpack through a variety of gravitational environments. It’s a game where you can take your sweet time, write things down, draw pictures, and debate various ideas over the dinner table. It’s also not terribly long. There are a couple of honest emotional moments and one good, startling reveal. This is a great one to work on with a partner and the game’s main puzzle device is clever enough to make you forget all about punching numbers into key pads.

Advice for the player

At times in this game, things just appear. This happened to us twice where we running around somewhere we’d already been and the world had changed even though we hadn’t done anything to change it. It’s possible we’d done something – kicked a rock, or pushed on a locked door for the 50th time – that caused the change but we were unaware of it as players so if you get stuck, keep looking around. And keep your eyes peeled.

There are a few red herrings in this game. Stay on task.

The loading screens. I played this on PS4 and there are a lot of 8-12 second loading periods. A lot. It happens every time you… do this one thing, and you have to do that one thing all the time. That said, it didn’t bother me that much. You can use the time to pet the dogs or eat a sour patch kid. That’s what I did anyway.

Outer Wilds: Day 2

Warning!

This is a journal I kept while playing this game. This journal contains spoilers. It’s nothing but spoilers really. Do not read this if you plan on playing this game. Only read this if you’ve already played this game, or if you have decided that you will NEVER play this game. Like your ex works for the company that made it and you hate this game and you wouldn’t play it even if it was the only game.

Outer Wilds Note

This is organized by play sessions. Each day is a play session. Each play session is broken up into individual time loops. Each new paragraph or page break is a new time loop unless otherwise indicated.

Day 2

I found the hanging city on Brittle Hollow. I learned how to operate their moving devices and I found a city directory which I translated. There were a couple of hallways that led to different sections of the city but I ignored them for the moment. I walked down a walkway and discovered some ruined dwellings. Around the dwellings were some bulletin boards where the Nomai had discussed the best way to fashion a new warp core. There were a lot of good ideas but I think they settled on designing a new one rather than finding the one from their crashed ship. After I finished reading I took the steps to the top floor of the house. There was a light elevator so I took that up. Then there was a final ramp that led me to a small stream pouring through a crack in the rock. I walked through the crack and found myself out on the surface of Brittle Hollow staring at a beautiful sunset. I stood and watched as our sun went Supernova. It was magnificent.


I discovered and navigated the white hole station. Probably good knowledge to have given how often I fall into that godddamn black hole. I did leave my ship behind but that’s alright because the sun went supernova pretty soon after anyway.
It’s just one big time suck, that’s what it is! This fucking thing keeps launching me out into the middle of goddamn nowhere! I went twice this cycle! How am I supposed to get anything done? For fuck’s sake. At least when I arrived in the White Hole station the second time, the thing was already turned on.
I have tried and failed twice to get to the southern observatory on Brittle Hollow. I may have to give up and try something else. It doesn’t seem to want me to go there. I got into the quantum moon shuttle. I could make it take off and land but not much else. No sign of the quantum moon.


One mission. Get to the observatory.
I fucking made it. I finally made it into that goddamn observatory. It was worth it too. The place is awe inspiring. Huge model of the solar system and I know how to get below the current on Giant’s Deep now! Also the music was cool so you know it was a cool place. I also opened the door to the surface. It wasn’t so much broken as it was locked from the inside. Still LOTS to do on Brittle Hollow but I feel like I accomplished something. I was trying to leave the planet when the piece of crust my ship was on tumbled into the black hole and we were transported to deep space in time to see the sun nova. Fitting.

Outer Wilds: Day 1

Warning!

This is a journal I kept while playing this game. This journal contains spoilers. It’s nothing but spoilers really. Do not read this if you plan on playing this game. Only read this if you’ve already played this game, or if you have decided that you will NEVER play this game. Like your ex works for the company that made it and you hate this game and you wouldn’t play it even if it was the only game.

Outer Wilds Note

This is organized by play sessions. Each day is a play session. Each play session is broken up into individual time loops. Each new paragraph or page break is a new time loop unless otherwise indicated.

Day 1

I’m ready to leave I think. I’ve talked to everyone in the village. Learned how to do space repairs. Played a little hide and seek with my signal scope. Hell I even visited the observatory. That was amazing! I learned about the Nomai and their crazy gravity rocks. I’ve got a translator so if I run into any Nomai language on my travels I’ll be able to read it! I hope I find lots. I got the launch codes so I guess I’m ready to go. Why am I so nervous? Everyone is just joking about the ship being dangerous, right? I shouldn’t be nervous, but I’m so excited. I can’t tell the difference. I want to go but I’m sad to be leaving my friends. I feel like I grew up here. I hope I make it back so I can tell everyone in the village about my adventures. Wish me luck!


Woo I just had the craziest dream! I dreamt I flew the ship to the moon and walked around a bit. I found what I think is an old Nomai artifact and some writing that talked about building a device to find the Eye of the Universe. Man, wouldn’t that be cool to find. Maybe I can finish their device and find it myself. After that I walked around until I found Tels on the Moon Outpost. He wasn’t wearing a space suit which I thought was a little odd. It made me feel overdressed. He was whistling a sweet tune and he told me a little bit of the history of the Moon Outpost. I went back to the ship and took off my suit. If he doesn’t need one, why do I? I stepped out of the ship without a suit just to make sure and then I suffocated! Or so I thought. I woke up back in the village. I guess it’s launch day! I’m so excited! Wish me luck!


I was in my ship drifting in what I THOUGHT was deep space, looking at my map when I accidentally crashed down on some rock. I had to get out to make repairs. I have no idea where I am. Following a strange signal.
Found a huge dome on the south pole. No idea what it is. Doesn’t seem to be a way in. Thought I saw a ship a little ways off. Going got check it out.
Definitely Hearthian in origin but no one around. Found a tape recording of someone saying they couldn’t find a way into the dome either. Now I don’t feel as bad. This person went to the ruins on the equator. Guess that’s where I’m headed.
Holy shit. This whole planet fell apart. First I discovered what I thought was a huge cave but calling it a cave is really not doing it justice. It was the whole inside of the planet. I mean I was looking right through it. There seemed to be some kind of singularity in the middle. It seemed too dangerous to try to jet pack into so I kept making my way to the equator. I was looking at what looked like a dead tree off in the distance when the ground under my feet gave way and I went tumbling into the interior of the planet. I was able to hard land on a rocky outcropping but I was looking up, way up, at my ship. I hopped along some ledges trying to make my way over to where my ship was but I had no idea how I was going to get back to the surface of the thing. I got under my ship and was contemplating this very problem when all of a sudden the piece of ground my ship was sitting on started to tumble down. Perfect, I thought as it fell past me. I stepped off my ledge and went down after it. Sadly my ship was sucked into the singularity before I could reach it and very shortly thereafter I was sucked in as well. It seems we – me and the ship – were transported back out into space. I didn’t waste any time climbing back in the ship. Enough fucking around. Let’s go find this guy on Helm’s Deep or whatever it’s called. I found it on the star chart and plotted a course. Tried out the auto pilot which works nice for lining you up with a planet but you still have to land the damn thing manually. This planet is all water so when I attempted my first landing I got freaked out because it seemed like I went straight underwater. It was GD terrifying. I took off again and regrouped from orbit. There really wasn’t anywhere else to land so I shut my eyes and went for it.
This is a confusing place. There’s a different planet surface under the outer surface? I think? I tried to make my way to Gabboro using the signalscope but I stepped into a maelstrom and it launched me back out into space without my ship! As I came back down, I stopped on the outer surface and swam/jetpacked to an island. I don’t think my jetpack works here. I don’t know. Oh it’s got crazy gravity. 2x. I finally found Gabboro so let’s see what this weirdo has to say. My ship appears to be bouncing around all over the place. Hope it’s ok.
Ok SOOOOOOO, I’m stuck in a time loop. I keep waking up back in the village but no one else knows what’s going on. I just finally spoke to Gabboro. He’s the only one that seems to realize what’s happening. His planet SUCKS, by the way. Everything is constantly getting thrown around by the waves. The islands are flying around, it’s impossible to get anywhere. Deep below the surface there’s a giant pink squid or something. It doesn’t seem to move but I’m sure it’s up to no good. I learned more about this probe launcher that the Nomai built. It wasn’t working for some reason. AND they lost one of the parts down deep in the planet where you’re not supposed to be able to get. I have to go somewhere else to learn how that happened.


I just realized what I’m looking at when I open my eyes at the beginning of a loop! It’s the probe launcher on Helm’s Deep! It destroys itself when it launches the probe! That’s gotta be significant.
I went to Brittle Hollow. Well, first I went to see I could find Feldspar. It’s just a giant plant. Ugly one too. I launched a probe into it’s mouth and it goes WAY back in there. The plant is a portal to the Bramble planet? That must be where feldspar is because you sure can hear his harmonica. THEN I went to Brittle Hollow but the surface integrity was already at 57%. I went crashing into the singularity again, this time without my ship. It puts you WAY on the other side of the solar system. At first I was like, “Yeah I’ll just putter on back to my ship! It’s only 13km!” Then I realized I was trying to catch a planet with positional thrusters. I had a good laugh at myself. When I was done laughing I realized I was going to die in deep space. I let that sink in and then something incredible happened. I crashed into the sun instead! At least I didn’t suffocate! Gotta head straight to Brittle Hollow this time.


Jesus! I launched and set the autopilot for Brittle Hollow but someone forgot to tell the autopilot to avoid crashing into the planet we just left! I had to get out and waste precious time on repairs. I got to Brittle Hollow. Oh I got there. More crazy alien artifacts. A replica of the probe launcher is sitting in a hole on Brittle Hollow. I managed to launch something out of it. No idea what. Some other writing about a shuttle. No clue what that meant. I saw a sign for the southern observatory which is where I’m supposed to learn how to go deep on the water planet. I was about to head that way when I looked back at the probe launcher. There was a platform in the middle of it. That looks interesting, I thought. I’ll just have a little stand on the platform and see if I can SHIIIIIIIIIIIT! Fucker launched me into space! Not as far as the singularity does but goddamn if Brittle Hollow doesn’t love sending you into space. I was close enough this time to try to land back on the planet with just my jetpack. That did not go so well. It may not be possible. No doubt I’ll be forced to try again at some point. Back at it.


Made it to Brittle Hollow. Got launched into space.